The role He died to play

Before I go much further I need to introduce you to the main character in my story, as of late. Ashamedly, I admit that I haven’t always cast Him in the role that He died to play.



In April of 1992 or 93, Stuart’s Maw Maw passed away. Her passing was prior to the unwed teeanage momma drama. I was an MTV show before it was a thing. I had only been around her a few times but she reminded me so much of my granny. She was a precious soul. Her death prompted a plethora of life-altering questions in my soul. I had been attending church with Stuart and his family. Growing up Stacy and I  didn’t got to church. We  did,  however attend  Vacation Bible School at Shadycrest Baptist Church in Pearland. We would also occasionally catch a ride on the Sunday school  bus that came around the neighborhood. I appreciate that gesture much more as an adult than all  those years ago.

When Maw Maw passed I started wondering where I would spend eternity. What was eternity? I had heard about salvation. I wasn’t sure of the concept but familiar. I do remember this day with complete clarity. Well, the details, not the actual date. I’m thinking the details are the important recollection.

I was sitting on the roof of a doghouse in Stuart’s backyard. I was fearful. I was bewildered. My questions that I needed answered were complex yet the answer, so simple. What will happen to me when I die?

Now, I am in no way ever going to push my political or religious views on you via this blog. That is not the purpose of my ramblings. You will, however know where I stand. What you see is what you get, remember? It would be hard to tell my stories without interjecting those feelings. That being said,  I want to establish a relationship of trust and acceptance between you and I. You do you, and I will do me and within that framework we can coexist believing what we choose. You, the reader pushing me without knowledge of the shove. I will strive to entertain, advise and continue my therapy through writing.

Choice. Stuart and his mother sat with me and explained the choice I had to make. We read through the Roman Road. They asked if I had any questions. I did not. My complex questions now had a simple answer. All that was required was admitting and confessing  that I was a sinner and to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. With Stuart and his mother leading, I said a prayer of salvation and became a child of God with my future husband by my side.

I have since let my savior down so many times. As the chapters of my story are written, I have failed to pen him in the lead role time and after time. I have cussed Him, questioned Him and turned my back on Him. Yet, He loves me despite me.

As of late, I am striving to make sure that He has the leading role in this saga that we call life. So much easier said than done, right?

I had to introduce you to my main character because so much of my present stems from that April day decision. I often wonder if I had relied more on Him, prayed more or was still and listened to Him  would things played out differently?  Maybe, but I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without the screw ups, for lack of better words. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still screwing up, just doing it through different eyes lately.





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