Toilet tomfoolery and a coon skin cap

After yesterdays entry, for my hearts sake, I need to lighten the mood a bit.

Stuart and I got married in May and Corey was born in November. The antics that took place in the Love Shack are some of the best memories of our early years. Stuart was gone for several days at a time, picking up extra shifts at the fire station whenever he could. Not only was he picking up extra shifts, he was picking up tips on practical joking.

When he was home, I was the brunt of many fire department shenanigans as well as a few that he made up on his own.

I was very pregnant. I got up to pee all night long, like most with a small human snuggling against their bladder. One night, I stumbled into the bathroom, sat down to do my business and felt the weirdest sensation. That mustached man child  had  put Saran Wrap over the porcelain base of the toilet and lowered the toilet seat. Can’t you just see him sneaking out of bed with the Saran Wrap in hand trying to figure out the best placement for the sleek material with very little stick to it?  I don’t need to explain to you what took place next. But, you know me well enough by now. I peed and found myself sitting in it. I can’t remember how the moments after that played out but I am sure there was much cussing and probably some crying. Strangely it is one of my most cherished memories of our early years.

Apparently at the fire station there was an unusual infatuation with toilets. The next toilet tomfoolery involved a jar of Vaseline and the lid of the porcelain throne smothered in aforementioned Vaseline. Same scenario. I was on a late night peeing adventure. As a creature of habit, not sure how this act could be less than habitual,  I flopped down to do my business. The flop happened but I slid right off the toilet seat and landed  on the bathroom floor. This one led to tears. I don’t think he thought I would slip right off the lid. At least I hope he didn’t. I guess he wasn’t an observer of my toilet habits this early on. You know how it is when you first get married. I swear I would wait for him to leave for his 24 hour shift to go number two. Anywhoo, I was a flopper then and I’m a flopper now. To this day I just flop down without thinking. I  flop and flop hard. That hard flopping led to much slippage that particular night in the Love Shack.

Not all of the man child’s shenanigans took place at night nor did they revolve around the potty.

The Love Shack was small. You could stand in the kitchen and see the bathroom. From  the living room you could see the kitchen and our bedroom. Oh how I miss that house with the rusty tin roof.

The high jinx that I’m going to describe next took place after Corey was born. I am getting ahead of myself but it fits well within the confines of this entry.

I had just stepped out of the shower and wrapped a blue towel around my body. Here I go again, recalling a benign detail. Towel color. I reached over to wipe the steam off of the mirror and out of the corner of my eye I caught something scurrying across the floor. Its’ journey started as it left the comfort of the crevice between the washer and dryer. It then, took a sharp left and meandered towards the living room and then disappeared. What I saw didn’t disturb me as much as the creepy noise that accompanied its’ travels. As I watched it wriggle across the lanolin my ears were teased with a click, click, click.   I squealed and he giggled.

Corey had been gifted with a coon skip cap similar to the one worn by the likes of Daniel Boone. Standing off to the corner of the living room out of sight from the bathroom, stood Stuart, fishing pole in hand. He had tied that coon skin cap to the end of the fishing line. When I got in the shower, he snuck in like a bandit, nestled the cap between the washer and dryer and then he waited.  The noise was the click of the reel as he maneuvered the cap of imitation fur across the bathroom floor. To date, possibly his best prank.

He is lazy in his old age. Or maybe he just realizes that he can’t top the pranks of yesteryear.  However, he is still a mustached man child at heart. The current shenanigans include rubber snakes thoughtfully situated in the most obvious but terrifying places and scary masks he has deviously placed outside various windows of the house.

These moments got me through some pretty dark days in our marriage. I held on to the pranks and laughter when all hell was breaking loose and I wanted to give in. Today, they just make me love him more.

Cling to those things that make you giggle and squeal with laughter. You will need them one day.

One of the few pictures I have of Stuart without his mustache.


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