Today, I blew it.
What I have come to realize over the past few weeks is that readers like authentic, raw emotion and truths. I don’t know why that’s a realization as of late, as those are the characteristics I look for when searching for a quick read.
Tuesday or Wednesday of last week, after swinging my legs over the edge of the bed and placing my feet on the floor, my legs crumpled and that was all she wrote. I landed on the floor catching myself with my hands. This happens every now and then. I’m guessing from spinal cord damage? I don’t try to figure it out anymore.
When this does happens, I silently wonder how in the world I haven’t broken a bone upon impact. My wrists, thus far had been fantastic in their role.
Well, wonder no more. With almost 100% certainty, I can say that the scaphoid bone in my left wrist was compromised to the point of breaking. Most likely a small break but broken nonetheless. It only hurts when my wrist is in a certain position. Thankfully, Downward Facing Dog and Plank Pose cause little pain! This morning, I diagnosed myself viaa YouTube video, WebMD and remembering a similar hairline fracture my daughter had when she caught herself when falling. (Hush, you know you are some self-diagnosing folks too!) This type of break is common in children and the elderly. One group was not mentioned! Those of us who have Chiari Malformation! Anywho, I saved myself a co-pay and trip to the doc. My doc would just xray it, tell me I’ve got a hairline fracture that’s probably already healing and suggest that I wear a wrist brace for 4 to 6 weeks. Today, we bought a wrist brace. I’ll take it off when I am on my mat. It’s all good.
This morning, after a celebratory pity party, I found myself in the role of an emotional eater. Funny though, I’ve had so much more pain in the past and this little wrist thing should escape any negative emotions.
I have been doing so good. Celery juice in the morning. No Dr Pepper – fruits and veggies with an occasional side of meat – I’ve been taking all of my supplements as directed, yoga daily and then BAM – legs go out and wrist is jacked up. AH – HA – it’s not the pain that invited me to the pity party, it’s the fact that I was feeling better and getting stronger! One step forward and ten steps back!
Why do I let this happen? Why is it so easy to become sidetracked when emotions are going berserk? So easy to think everything has gone to hell in handbasket with one setback?
The Dr. Jekyll in me is researching and creating a week one menu accompanied by grocery lists and recipes while the Dr. Hyde is munching on processed crap. Processed crap that scratched the itch for about ten minutes. The relief was short lived I can assure you.
Maybe that’s what this leg of my journey is about. Learning how to control my Dr. Hyde. Learning coping mechanisms. Obviously, this time I didn’t use a breathing technique, I didn’t run to my mat, I ate.
I know full well what the processed crap is going to do me the moment I eat it. Why is it so difficult to stay on the straight and narrow?
As per the book I’m reading now, The Whals Protocol, I started keeping a written record of food I eat, emotions, triggers and symptoms. I did this for years and haven’t in a while. You should try it. Reading over it is very insightful!
I don’t want to mislead anyone here. I don’t have an eating disorder. I’m just a girl with two debilitating health issues attempting to take her health into her own hands, who screws up often but has the best of intentions! If this path was an easy one to follow, there would be less obese, unhealthy, disease ridden people in our country. Right?
I guess one of my reasons for writing this post today is to remind you that it’s ok to screw up, whether we screw up making a lifestyle change, in a marriage, as a parent and so forth. The important thing is that we learn from our screw ups and respond accordingly. Remember that you’re worth the effort. Don’t give up!